The RACE is ON...

We head out to Denver today for the race on Sunday......
I have decided to DO IT...not to win...to finish....

Pray for me.....

Think of me....

Love you all!

PS....Hilary thanks for all the gear I borrowed! If I drown you will need to fish me out to get your pants back. HE HE HE Not that funny really.

Today I still feel like I am in the 10th circle of hell (whatever that means, it just sounded good) about not being ready for the Triathilon......I cried most of the night, of course Jason wasn't home. Jason doesn't seem to get it and I am irrated that he never listens to me. I can truly carry on a full conversation of 2 - 3 minutes sitting RIGHT next to him and he doesn't hear a single word I say. Than he has the nerve to get mad at me because I won't repeat it. It is getting worse and I feel like he has learned to tune out the sound of my voice. I know that sounds harsh but that is really how I feel. I get so angry at him and he just thinks that I am negative all the time, it seems that it is the only time that I can get his attention. Horrible circle of effin' life. He does his 'side' jobs five days a week and we, as a family, never see him. When he gets home he walks right by me like I am not even there, he hasn't touched me in weeks, that in turn makes me think horrible thoughts about what he is really doing at night. I feel like I am invisable, I'm sure he feels the same, but thanks to my inheritated stubborness I will not budge. I will just cry when he can't see, do all the things I am expected to do, put on a smiley face for all those to see, and reach yet another depth of depression I haven't reached before(11th circle of hell). If I was allowed to have friends I could vent to them but that is a whole other story.

No matter what you've done wrong...
always try to make it look like the dog did it...

10 Days until we head to Denver. I should have been going to do the Triatholon with Sharon and Shelby, but due to unforseen 'issues' with my body.....I am going to have to do it next year. I am truly depressed right now and on the verge of tears. I have been tring so hard for this, I joined a gym, I exersied daily, I prepared my family for time away from home, I ran a 5K to prepare, but here I am feeling horrible about how my body is not prepared or ready for this. I AM feeling sorry for myself and I am okay with it. I am usually upbeat and pleasant, not today.....I will be better later.....after, after the 'D' day or should I say 'T' day is gone......
Forgive the bitterness.....

Hilary introduced me to a something that I must have and belongs with me (that I will be making tonight)I will love him and hug him and kiss him. I love him so much......! Please see below:

We just came back from camping on Monday, our annual Great Baisn trip.....It is so beautiful up there. I will have to say with it being so cold lately that we were all a little afraid of what the weather would be, but we packed for five and included an extra pair of shoes anyway.....

• Day One: we left at about 7:30am, and started our four hour drive to the 'mighty' Great Basin. Once there we headed to the 9500ft camp ground that we always stay at, we knew when we got there it might be a problem because the mountain was covered in snow. Sure enough it was a problem.....'our' spot was covered in almost two feet of snow.....boo hoo...so sad, becuase I love waking up at the base of the cirque.....see above.....so we move further down the mountain to another camp ground. My heart actually ached that we couldn't camp at the top. Set up tent and three air mattresses - funny story, will tell more on day two. Had tin-foil dinners for dinner.......yummy! We always eat well while we are camping.
• Day Two: Jason and I woke up refreshed on our foot high air matress and look over and both of the kids air mattresses were flat as a pancakes they might as well have been sleeping on the ground.......he he he....needless to say the one air mattress had poped and the other had a slow leak, the air pump broke, and Jason had to inflat the air mattress every night with just the air in his lungs, can't help but laugh at that one. We went exploring the west desert for nine hours.......Jason's idea......I will have to give you an incredible highlight of that day though. We, just by chance, drove to the base of a hugh cave in the Moriah Mountains. It was about half way up the 'mountain' and spectacular looking, I look at Jason and Jason looks at me and we both agreed that we should take the kids and do the hike.....after all it didn't look too bad...and I knew in my heart there would be Indain ruins in that cave. Why do things always look sooooo much easier from the bottom.....you see where this is going right? The 'little' hike ended up being about 4 miles up round trip with an elevation gain of about 3000 - 3500 feet. All of the kids cried and thought they were going to die at numerous parts of the hike, and in my heart I thought I was too. The tallis under my feet slipped with every step and one step ended up being two. The small rocks at the bottom were boulders up close and what we thought were bushes were trees that we had to crawl under and through. We questioned our judgement about halfway up but realized that we were too far at this point to turn back. By the time we finally made it up there I realized that I would do it again (without the kids), it was full of Indian ruins. I was in utter awe of what I was seeing and cried like a baby. The homes were constructed of pine needles, mud, and old wood, not much left of them but there was enough for me. Nothing was touched and it was left the way we found it. Our camera was broken but the whole thing is video taped. We stayed for awhile to soak in what we were looking at and than prayed for our safety on the way down the mountain, we knew it would be worse going down. Jason would take one kid down in his arms about fifty feet and than go up for another one, as you can see we made it! The 'little' hike took 3 1/2 hours. I thanked God for letting us arrive safely. But my heart aches that we didn't spend more time. I found out that the Indian ruins were probably of the Freemont Indians which occupied the area from 1200 - 1295 AD. The rest of the day isn't nearly as eventful as that, in fact the rest of the year won't be as eventful as that. I did have to mention to Jason a few times that I felt like I was in the movie 'The Hills Have Eyes'. We were literally on a dirt road ALL day. My sweet, adoreable Jason always takes the road less taken, how can you get angry about that unless you are on hour 6 of the road less taken. Isaac kept saying, can we go home? Please can we go home? Jason kept telling him we were taking the long way home....he he he.....Packed a lunch and treats in the car for the day....we had steaks for dinner with fire baked potatoes, why does everything taste better when you are camping?
• Day Three: We went to Ely to look for a new pump, could find a store that would sell one....he he he...still laughing about Jason having to blow one up every night. We roamed around on the other side of Great Basin, explored the remains of mines (they are ALL over) and resued a calf. Funny story...we are heading to Ely and there are cows all over, there was a calf on the side of the road on the outside of the fence and the mother cow was on the inside of the fence right next to the calf. We all noticed and hoped that it would find its way back in the fence soon to be with mommy cow. Sever hours later when we were driving back to camp we drove by the calf and mommy and they were in the same place still but no other cows were around them this time they had all moved on. Baby still on outside of fence mommy still on inside of the fence. Jason is all distraut that he calf is going to run out in traffic or starve but drives on, 10 -15 miles later Jason is still quite and looks distraut, I look at him and say, 'You want to go back and help the cow?' Quickly he says,'do you mind?' well of course I don't mind....WTH does he think, the fact he waited 15 minutes was funny, if I hadn't said anything would he wait until we got back to camp to turn around and help the cow? So we head back and rescue the calf back on to his side of the fence. Calf and mommy run into the field, we felt liekwe had saved the day......or the meat we would be eating in a year. Not to make fun, but we had hamburgers for dinner....I am still laughing.
• Day Four: It rained all night long, but we figured it would and covered everything with the two tarps we brought. When I opened the tent to go out that morning the rain was at a drizzle and fog covered the camping site to the point that you couldn't see 10 feet in front of you. It was beautiful...We went on a 7 mile hike with the kids around the mountain to the other side, after the hike the day before this one was cake. It was level and the veiws were incredible. They claim that on a clear day you can see for 100 miles, I will agree with that. Had a picnic at Wheeler Peak, the snow was almost gone and someone had taken 'our' camping spot. Jason took Isaac and Clarice and took a 3 1/2 mile hike down the mountain, Chelsea wouln't go so I headed down the mountain in the 4Runner to meet them at the bottom. I parked and left Chelsea and headed up the trail to meet them. Than we took another drive on roads less taken....fun! Really it was fun, we found more caves that we didn't have time to hike to that really didn't look that bad....you have heard that one before... :~) For dinner we had Bratwurst and fire baked potatoes.......yummy.
  Day Five: We decided to go home early. We packed up and headed home, it was a little sad but we knew we would be back. We weren't able to hike to the the Bristlecone forest due to snow on the trails up to four feet, that was sad for me the trees are astounding, thousdands of years old, literally.
  

Thoughts for today:

If you met my family you would understand.

If you move your couch and find 14 cigarette lighters, $11.37 in change, and a 6 year old TV guide......you might be a redneck...!

Saturday was the 'Holbrook' Family Reunion........

(Noele, Hilary and I wore matching shorts, very loud shorts, but sooooo cute, Hilary will have to add that picture, I don't have a camera)

Highlights are as follows:

1. I AM completely normal....don't argue with me....trust me on this one, I AM normal....all these years I thought that I was odd and a little off, nope, not anymore. Our family was the normal one here, if you must sit down to read this it's okay, I understand.
2. Colored name tags by family-helpful due to the fact I haven't seen the family in 10 years. We were orange, my favorite color!
3. I saw at least six people who added their last names to the tags....note to all, we are all part of the SAME family, i.e. last names on the tags not a requirement.
4. Jell-O, everyone had some, but us......Jell-o reminds me too much of a Jell-o shooters......good memories, great memories.......
5. Boggers...I got to see two people with boogers coming out of their noses, they were adults, not the kids......PS...I just threw up in my mouth a little.
6. All families are dysfunctional, mine included.
7. I saw some extremely large belt buckles.....why?....Why do they wear them, doesn't that cut off cirrulation to 'parts' or are they compensating for not having the 'parts'? I am so confused, can't we all just be happy with what we have......humm.....did I just say that? I'm not too happy with what I have, my breast have gone south, and the wrinkles on my forehead look like tire marks.
8. I want to let everyone know that this reunion was scheduled on my grandma's birthday, who passed away 16 years ago. My aunt looks JUST like my grandma, so she thought it would be funny to dress in grandma's old dress, her glasses, and her wig and come out and pretend she was my grandma. I was soooooo creeped out by this, WTF, I seriously thought it was my grandma. TOP THAT.......?!?!
9. One thing I did miss was that my dad and uncle are too old to run from opposite ends of the room and bounce off each others stomaches.....true entertainment.
10. All teasing aside, it was fun.....we missed not having Chris, Sharon and Jack there, it will probably be the last one we have due to the age of the aunts and uncles. I love them, they are all my family and I would walk with them always and be proud to say they were my family.

*****Remember that we all walk to a different tune, who says yours in the right tune? Sing the song and listen for something a little different, it's fun to be different, it keeps people guessing.