Two Years....and Counting

Two years ago at this time I was sitting on the end of my bed, with my head in my hands, wondering how I could let myself get to this point in my life. How could I think it was okay to have a double shot every morning before I drove to work? Sit at work and feel the effects wear off as my hands began to shake. I would take my lunch and go to the liquor store, buy three liter bottles of the cheapest rum there was and hide it in my trunk. I would go through sometime five liters a week. The minute I walked into the front door I would have a shot, sometimes right out of the bottle and would continue to drink until I went to bed.

My kids would watch this, my husband would patiently take over when I couldn't. I couldn't drive to the grocery store, I couldn't drive to the school. There was never a holiday, a vacation, a birthday, or even a church session that I wasn't drunk. I can't remember vacations, I can't remember birthdays, school events, nothing really for a full 18 months.

As I walked into the hospital I cried. I was losing another one of my friends, first food and now booze, could I do this, could I detox and go home and pretend I was fine? When I entered the hospital I was double the legal limit and it was 9:30 am, I didn't feel drunk. My husband left me, in a locked wing of the hospital, unable to leave, unable to call anyone on the phone, unable to have visitors for 24 hours. I begged to leave, I paced the halls, I cried, I prayed for strength. Strength I received.....rehab was one of the most difficult things I have done in my life.

It has been two years, two years today since I have touch a single drink. My head is clear.

Thank you God for the strength you gave me.
Thank you Jason for your patience.
Thank you Ashlee, Chelsea, Clarice, and Isaac for loving my anyway.
Thank you family for understanding when I just couldn't come to the party due to temptation.
Thank you Feliece for saying enough is enough.