Today I still feel like I am in the 10th circle of hell (whatever that means, it just sounded good) about not being ready for the Triathilon......I cried most of the night, of course Jason wasn't home. Jason doesn't seem to get it and I am irrated that he never listens to me. I can truly carry on a full conversation of 2 - 3 minutes sitting RIGHT next to him and he doesn't hear a single word I say. Than he has the nerve to get mad at me because I won't repeat it. It is getting worse and I feel like he has learned to tune out the sound of my voice. I know that sounds harsh but that is really how I feel. I get so angry at him and he just thinks that I am negative all the time, it seems that it is the only time that I can get his attention. Horrible circle of effin' life. He does his 'side' jobs five days a week and we, as a family, never see him. When he gets home he walks right by me like I am not even there, he hasn't touched me in weeks, that in turn makes me think horrible thoughts about what he is really doing at night. I feel like I am invisable, I'm sure he feels the same, but thanks to my inheritated stubborness I will not budge. I will just cry when he can't see, do all the things I am expected to do, put on a smiley face for all those to see, and reach yet another depth of depression I haven't reached before(11th circle of hell). If I was allowed to have friends I could vent to them but that is a whole other story.